What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?


"Would you like fries with that?" :grimace:

Why did the spider get a laptop

To visit his web page :scream:

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table ???


Sir Cumference :rofl:

I can't laugh at this one because I know you struggled through it. :shade:

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"

The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."

Where does a monkey get a drink?

At a monkey bar!

Okay, very lame, but I won a prize from Bob McAllister on Wonderama with that little gem! If you grew up in the New York/New Jersey area, and you’re around 50 then you’ll know how cool that is! On a side note, the gals from The Magic Garden still tour and are available for private parties!

A termite walks in to a bar and asks- "is the bar tender here?"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :up:

I love dad jokes!

Why are so many New Yorkers mad?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Recently, my wife asked if I was having sex behind her back? I said yes. Who did you think it was?

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started…..

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Rich ReBuilds , Get it? You are the joke Richard. Join us or die.

Dont use tom ford marijuana products.
1. Tom ford pink kush shatter is too many words...
2. I took a couple dabs and when i woke up these glasses were a part of my face.... :monkey:

Not bad :lol:

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Anybody wanna make some sharts. :monkey: :party:

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. I'm Frito Lay if you're Everready.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

How many misogynists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Who gives a shit, let the bitch cook in the dark...

A man walks into a bar with a grin on his face, and exclaims, "bartender, line me up a dozen shots of tequila. The bartender does as requested and lines up twelve shots of tequila. One after another... 1.2.3..... he downed them. Finally, he finished the last one... he shivered, looked at the bartender with that look still on his face, "I'm celebrating my first Blowjob".
The bartender, clearly impressed, said, "well, in that case this next one is on the house.." The man gets up off his stool, prepares to leave, looks at the bartender and says

No thanks... if a dozen didn't get that taste out of my mouth nothing will. Think I'll just go home. :joke:

Where did little Mary go after the explosion?




Everywhere.

My ex cunt, will burn a boiled egg jajajajajaja perfect joke to her jajajajajaja

What do you call a horny stoner?
A weed wacker!


…..i'll get my coat

Two guys are walking down the street and they see a dog licking its balls and one guy says “man I wish I could do that” and his friend turns to him and says “well you better ask the owner first!”

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.