• EconMan
    4.2k
    I've been feeling "nostalgic" lately and have been thinking "if I had a different life than I have had, how different would it be if I knew now what I knew then...?"

    Question comes to mind. :nerd:

    Would I still choose to self-medicate? i.e. Was weed *really* good for you or on net did it harm you?

    For me, I'll say yes on net. But I worry some teens today start too early ? My first joint was at 17 and the potency was mild by today's standards. Indeed, in terms of actual THC I consumed, I've probably consumed more the last ten years than in the previous years combined.

    LOL. Now if I had a different past, I would have a different profession. Hmmm, what would that be? What would yours be? :nerd:
  • okla68m
    1.3k
    After realizing that a plethora of Lies were being told about Marijuana and other street drugs, I Didn't realize that the Reason behind Cocaine being called the "BIG LIE", was Actually the TRUTH ! I went from being just a regular guy, to being covered in Gold & Diamonds, more money than could Blatantly Spend, to being Homeless, Divorced, Afoot, Loss of a 12 year career and sleeping from couch to couch.....!
    THAT ONE THING, I WOULD CHANGE !
    "SHOULDA, COULDA, WOULDA" !!!!
  • martinstraka8282
    437
    I would not have started with the drugs at 13. It was a poor choice in hindsight, but dammit I was ready to get up to no good and had no Dad around to tell me otherwise. Mom was too busy working from morning to sunset just to raise two boys and we had to have part time jobs leading to having spending cash to support the bad habits. I don't imagine weed (or the acid and mushrooms) was good for such a young brain.

    I landed on my feet, but I can't help but feel like I missed out on a fair bit just doing drugs all through high school and in to the early 20's. I hope to pass this knowledge on to my son in a way he's really able to hear it and hope he doesn't make the same choices.
  • Baron23
    9.7k
    While I have enjoyed MJ since I was 14...well, almost 15....for the most part, drugs have been destructive in my life and if I had to do it over again, I would leave them out.

    Just how I see my life in retrospect.
  • Dankpup
    111
    Traveled more while younger! instead of thinking drinking at bars blowing $ on nights that weren’t very cool in hindsight. No need to be a fixture at a bar in your twenty’s , (maybe would have smoked less). Never regretted traveling, but then I’ve never gotten mugged or beaten up in a strange place.
  • Cl4ud3
    2.9k
    for the most part, drugs have been destructive in my life and if I had to do it over again, I would leave them out.Baron23

    I could say the same but with no way of living a life without drugs to compare and then being able to weigh them both you won't know which one was better. I've done stupid things on drugs but I've done stupid things off them too. I've probably experienced a lot I wouldn't have if I had done it sober but then I would have lived a different life and would I even be the same person ?
    I definitely won't say no regrets but this was the life I was meant to live.
  • Baron23
    9.7k
    I could say the same but with no way of living a life without drugs to compare and then being able to weigh them both you won't know which one was better.Cl4ud3

    Yep, absolutely. No telling how things would have turned out...for the better or for the worse.

    But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have this rogue's gallery of fucking atrocious and horrid memories that to this day still spring up along with feelings of deep regret, horror, and in many cases disgust.

    I'm pretty sure I PSTD'd myself (!! hahaha !!) but that wasn't a term back then.
  • Bad Dog
    360
    I wouldn't have started as young as I did, smoked my first j at 11 with my brother. He thought coco puffs was a funny idea for my first time, it was a big mistake I had a pretty bad trip but it didn't stop me from trying to prove my strength the next time.

    My access throughout my teens was pretty spotty so when I did have I over indulged followed by periods of irritating drying out. So mostly I drank fairly heavily which my parents didn't have a problem with. Later on when I had better connections I started to smoke less at a time but more frequently. But eventually my connections folded up or ran dry and I had to do without so I jumped head first into the bottle and that continued for a couple of years. I was a high functioning alcoholic, drinking first thing in the morning for breakfast and throughout the day if I could and then getting shitfaceed at night and going to bed.

    But eventually I just couldn't keep up with everything and it was taking more and more booze to get me where I needed to go. So I thought about weed and how it had helped me before but I didn't have any connections and was to old to go walking the streets looking for a dealer so I decided to grow and thanks to the internet seeds were readily available. A few months later my first grow was done and I reacquainted myself with bud, this was my renascence it did everything I needed it to do with minimal side effects.

    For the first time in years I felt better, my drinking slowed way down and I was taking better care of myself. But my overall health wasn't great, I still struggled on a daily basis. I delved into the internet looking for answers which took 2 years of scouring medical journals and case studies but I finally found a condition that matched my symptoms, a very rare endocrine disorder. I sought out a specialist who needed to research it before confirming my suspicions. There was only 1 treatment steroids which I gladly went on in hopes of alleviating my symptoms but I felt nothing, they increased my dose but nothing, this continued for a year till I was on 7.5 grams of steroids daily.

    It did very little to nothing to lessen my symptoms but the side effects were becoming more prevalent, bad mood swings and general shity dispassion. My bud usage increased and so did my drinking just to make the steroids bearable, they were my only option for treatment. I became dissatisfied with everything, quit my job to go into business for myself, stopped drinking but I wasn't in the headspace for such a drastic change and things went poorly because of it, this stressed me out even more, causing me to lash out at everyone and everything. I blamed the weed and stopped smoking which was a huge mistake.

    I carried on as best as I could but found myself stressed beyond my limits, I stopped sleeping at all for a week till I snapped and had a prolonged psychotic episode, I had hallucinations and delusions that I began acting upon, wound up in prison on a assault charge, went from there to the psych ward. They threw antipsychotics at me like candy till something finally started to work and I calmed down. They told me I'm schizophrenic and need antipsychotics, they discharged me and sent me on my way leaving me in a fog of prescription drugs.

    I struggled to start putting my life back together, I continued on with my steroids after all the doctors didn't consider them a problem and at the time neither did I. So I still was struggling and went back to the hospital a few times trying new drug cocktails till I found something that did help loxapine. They just kept increasing my dose till I was quite subdued, but I was still not sleeping regularly so against my doctors wishes I went back on weed and I felt much better.

    I continued on like that for a year till I found a doctor that would prescribe weed. Once I was able to medicate regularly I started to do much better and was able to start piecing my life back together, I was able to analyze what had happened to me. For the first time I questioned the steroids and decided to lessen my dose, I felt a bit better so I decided to try and go off them even though they were my only treatment. It took over a month to get it out of my system, then I began to see things clearer and feel more like my old self.

    The whole experience has proven to me that doctors know very little and have no qualms about prescribing drugs they don't fully understand. Sometimes you're better off with the disease than the cure. As much as I wish I could go back and tell myself not to go down that rabbit hole the natural progression of time is forward and all I can do is move along with it, trying to make positive changes as I go.
  • EconMan
    4.2k
    But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have this rogue's gallery of fucking atrocious and horrid memories that to this day still spring up along with feelings of deep regret, horror, and in many cases disgust.

    I'm pretty sure I PSTD'd myself
    Baron23

    You read my autobiography? :nerd:



    That was both frightening and inspiring. You've come a long way. Don't forget to "thank yourself". :)
    Totally agree on physician drug and procedure peddling. my bus partner's wife has chronic migraines, and her physicians can not figure out why. So they talked her into "vertebrae fusion surgery" on a hunch it might be her back's nerves. It wasn't. So thousands of dollars later and so much unnecessary agony, she still has migraines. THC seems to help -- not weed, but high strength THC. She stopped filling her opioid prescriptions.

    My demon was cocaine in the late 80's -- almost ruined me. I should be in prison now. I got lucky.
    It took rock-bottom to stop the addiction. That said, the most horrible I've ever been is while drinking. I have not been drunk in literally years. *one glass of cognac or *a* glass of wine is the limit.
    I don't know precisely how to define alcoholic, but I can easily go years without getting drunk, but once I start to get drunk, ALL I want is more. I was NEVER a frequent drinker, rather when I drank I always drank too much.

    with no way of living a life without drugs to compare and then being able to weigh them both you won't know which one was betterCl4ud3

    Very true. :100: Claude is the true scientist of the group. I remember a course on the "counterfactual" -- what would have been the state had the "treatment" not been given. So given today is 911, it is relatively easy to compute the costs of 911 event, but not so much its benefits, had it not happened.

    But I do often "dream" about "WHAT IF's" had I made different die-casting decisions. That's what I wished I knew then! The choices I make, even as a child, will set the path for years to come.
  • Bad Dog
    360
    I was inspired to share by Best Buds, Alexis, Baron23 and others who have shared there stories in other threads. It's easy to feel alone in ones grief about the ill-fated decisions that have lead you to turmoil. But no matter what your going through there's someone else who's done what you've done and made it through the other side. Writing that was quite cathartic and freeing, it's been sometime since I've shared.
  • Bad Dog
    360
    For me looking back is a ticklish subject to delve into it's a real mix of good and bad. But would I change it? It depends on if you believe that we're just the some of our experiences and if so it's a delicate and fragile thing that may never be replicatable or are we born ourselves fully formed and put into any variety of circumstance we will always strive to be as such. I'm not exactly sure I'm where I want to be in life lol but I'm not sure I would change anything, but given the opportunity I'm not sure I could resist and give myself a healthy condition free body while I'm at it. But the bigger question when do you stop hitting undo? When I'm married with kids? Do I have to be a millionaire too? His benevolent highness regal magistrate of earth? I'm not sure I'd like the person I become if I can't learn from my mistakes.............
  • BestBuds
    1.5k
    The Dude Abides.
    I have my bag of shit like we all do. But I have been very fortunate. All of the kids I started smoking weed with had bad shit happen in their lives and they decided to go down a path like a lot of you lot have of addiction. I actually only have about 4 people from back then who are still alive. But! I was the kid who's psychotic parents moved every time things got heavy with me. So right when my friends were sharing opiates with each other and introducing each other into that world I moved. I couldn't find any weed around me for a long time and just stopped looking after a while. I just started back up a few years ago for medical reasons. So I have been spared that horrible pain that some of you have had to deal with. I watched most of my friends die but I am still here. So I guess even though my parents were more fucked up than I was and was a living hell to live with them maybe they kept me alive :chin: Knowing me X (MDMA) would have been the death of me. I would have liked that too much.
    I am really happy to see some of you guys who have lived my best friend's life (captivity to a drug) and came back to a happy existence. I wish some of my dudes got help before it was too late.
  • nowayout
    104

    Man, reading your story, I am glad you are better now. :)
    And I agree, doctors often do not know a whole lot about what the prescribe and it scares me because of all the accidental overdoses that happen. Either the doctor prescribing them doesn't fully know if the medications will become lethal mixed with other medications or the patient often does not think twice about telling the doctor he/she is taking this and such and when prescribed a new medication, they take them all in combination and overdose on it!

    The body can only take on so much...



    I am just about the same way with alcohol. Back when I was a kid, I would always see people around me drinking and my brother and I would occasionally crack one open and share it. That happened on and off throughout the years, but then I would never really drink(because my parents were/are really controlling and wouldn't let me go out ANYWHERE). In my mid to late 20's I began this phase(also around the time I began smoking weed) where I would drink two tall drinks every night to help me sleep, and it was just such a new experience that I enjoyed feeling drunk/buzzed. But then the drinking only got worse. I wanted to drink and 'party' at my place every afternoon with my partner, get wasted and still go to work at 4AM. And then the cycle of just drinking became the norm. Up until here recently(about two months), I have stopped drinking. Because it was beginning to be a problem and I have done some stupid things while drunk these past 6 years...

    So, I would probably never introduce alcohol like I did...and try to go back in time to also stop my partner from drinking so much, which he still does. I have been trying to tell him to not drink anymore, but only HE can stop himself...or until something happens but by then it will be too late...

    I am tempted sometimes to drink just one or two beers(and in actuality I did drink two beers about 2 weeks ago-but I am finding self control to be more important), but once I do, I know that I will love it, and continue to drink more, and drink the next day, and the day after and so forth. So, that's why I have decided to just try my hardest not to drink...I also have more motivation to get ahead and be a better example to my son who just started school this year...
  • Bad Dog
    360
    Thank you, yes I'm in a much better place than I was say a year ago. It's been quite a ride with events that I am unable to forget and have changed me for better or worse.

    Booze is a terrible vice it's perceived benefits are overshadowed by the glaring side effects, you literally only have to drink a little bit to much before it makes you physically sick :vomit: Good for you for taking the first step towards a healthier life, I think you'll find not only do you feel better physically but mentally and emotionally so. As for your partner you right there really is very little you can do it must be their choice, other than sharing how your feeling positive benefits and what your experience is like, just no need to be preachy no one want to listen to someone who's been born again lol just serve as a example. In time when he sees how your befitting they may feel more encouraged to make a change themselves. If my time with steroids has shown me anything it that side effects can be invisible from the inside and you may do things that don't necessarily jive with who you really are.

    I highly recommend shaking up your routine a bit, maybe something like a weekly evening ice cream trip with your kid. It doesn't have to be anything big, just do something you wouldn't normally do if you had started drinking, as a treat for yourself.

    I wish you safe travels and calm waters on your journey
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